I went to a party on Halloween, it sucked. I thought I'd change a bit
on my party stance since I moved up here, but no, it leaves a sour taste.
I went with a friend and someone she kinda knew, I had a bit of a crush
on her preceeding it, I then watched her get sloppy drunk and hook up with
her new friend, so I ended up third-wheeling them the rest of the time.
Also when I say sloppy drunk, I mean sloppy, everyone was worried for her
for a second, me included. I mean they hooked up while she was off it and
our friend was pretty sober, it felt gross, I didn't want to be a part of it,
and when I met up with them again she was wobbling around and talking about
suicide, it was gross. She drinks like my mom. I don't want to be a downer
though, but this is my diary and this is how I want to say it. I lost most
of that strong affection for her then, I'll stay to be her friend in small
spaces. For a while I didn't like that about me, the idea of being a recluse,
enjoying my time that way. I like sitting in with tea and records and a friend
maybe and soft lights. I like how it's supposed to induce conversation and
keep things slow. I don't like how fast so many parties are. I go there to
dance but the music is supposed to be a backdrop for interactions to happen,
but you can barely hear each other with the speakers so you gotta step
outside, and then the music is not the driving factor, until you go back
inside to shack up or lose some judgement, I don't like it, I like being
stable, and I know I sound like a loser, but I'm only a loser once I go
back to one to spew these ideas to people who totally disagree and won't
change. I am not a loser here because this is for me to be honest, and
in one of those light musical moments, I feel like a winner, I don't want
that night to end. I don't want to change it, I like it and I don't mind
needing to nix parties for it. I don't mind wanting my life to be like that.
I also don't mind my love being like this, I want someone who can have
the same kind of fun I like, the slow fun, not fast. Of course I still
get down at concerts, but that's for the music, not for conversation,
I love concerts, I hope to see Shudder to Think soon, but I also know
tickets are 50 bucks so it probably won't happen. The point is I like
slower speeds, I like taking my time, and I don't feel bad about it.
I hope to find someone I can truly share those slower moments with.
The album's basically done recording, now mixing, it'll still be out by
expected date, don't you worry.